Goddam Movies

After Sunny had gone, I sat and smoked a couple of cigarettes. Boy I felt so goddam depressed. What I did, I started sorta talking out loud to Allie. I do it sometimes when i'm really depressed. I kept telling him to go back to get his bike and meet me infront of Bobby Fallons house. Bobby Fallon was this kid that used to live near us in Main, years ago. We were kids and thought we could shoot something with our BB guns, Allie heard us talking about it and wanted to come along. I told him to hurry up, it isn't that I didn't used to take him places or anything but that day I didn't. He didn't get sore about it, he never got sore about anything. Anyway, it just depressed me.
Finally I got undressed and went to bed, I felt like praying or something but I can't sometimes when I feel like it. I'm sort of atheist, I like Jesus and all but I don't really care for much else in the bible. Take the disciples, they were about as much use as a hole in the head to Jesus, they annoyed the hell outta me. The guy I liked best in the bible next Jesus was that lunatic and all, that lived in the tombs on his own and cut himself with stones. I liked him ten times as much as I like the disciples. I used to get into quite a few arguments at Whooton about it.
Anyway, I was in bed and all, I couldn't pray worth a damn. Finally I sat up and smoked another cigarette. All of a sudden, outta nowhere someone knocked on my door, I kept hoping it wasn't my door they were knocking on but I just knew it was. I knew who it was too, i'm psychic. I was pretty scared and asked who's there, I am pretty yellow about those things. All they did though was knock again, this time louder. I just got outta bed with my pajamas on and opened the door, I didn't need the light on as it was already daylight outside. Sunny and Maurice were stood there, I paid her already I said. He said he had told me it was ten bucks a throw which was a lie. I wasn't gona give him an extra five bucks, however much he asked me. He pushed me with his big crumby hand, I damn near fell over. I'd wished I was dressed at least. The next thing I knew, him and Sunny were in the goddam room. He kept trying to get the extra five bucks of me, I told him I don't owe him a cent. He told me to give him the money, kept calling me chief, i just said No. When I said it though, he got up and started walking towards me, with his big hairy chest out and all. My voice was shakin like a bastard by this time, I told him to leave me alone and get the hell out but he just sottod over me. Sunny got the five bucks outta my wallet and told Maurice to stop hurting me, Maurice said he wasn't hurting me and snapped his finger on my pajamas. I won't tell you where he snapped it but it goddam hurt. I sorta lost it then, I was crying still, I called him a stupid chiseling moron. I went on with myself abit untill he smacked me. I didn't even try and get out of the way or anything. They both went out of the door, I didn't move or anything I just lay on the floor the same way I did with Stradlater. In the end I got up and started heading towards the bathroom. I'm a madman though really I am. I'll tell you what I did, I started pretending i'd got a bullet in my chest and blood was trickling outta my mouth a bit at a time. I imagined I went downstairs and then i'd ring the elevator bell. When old Maurice saw me he's ask me to leave him alone, but i'd just plug him. Then i'd throw my automatic down the shaft and make my way back up to my room where Jane would take care of me and give me a cigarette to smoke. The goddam movies, the can ruin anything. I'm not kidding.